Beginning Again at 49

Seems like I am always trying to begin, get organized or rearrange me to a better self. Control seems to be at the root of it; lack of control, desire for control or just feeling puzzled by life most of the time. So here I am 15 lbs. heavier than last year with a stich in my hip and a cupboard full of pills. A few weeks ago I tried to go off the tiny bit of fluoxetine I was taking and wound up with a very sore throat and cold symptoms. Once I started back on them again, it was better. Things became clearer again and I am back to square one.

So, where does it start?

• My health; maintaining an appropriate weight, exercising, eating right and keeping a joyful attitude
• My relationships; with my kids, my boyfriend, my family, my friends and co-workers
• My home; keeping it a clean, organized and joyful place to be
• My soul; focusing my spirit, simplifying my life, doing what I love and loving what I do

I think Thoreau had it right when he said:

"I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived. I did not wish to live what was not life, living is so dear; nor did I wish to practice resignation, unless it was quite necessary. I wanted to live deep and suck all the marrow of life, to live so sturdily and Spartan-like as to put to rout all that was not life, to cut a broad swath and shave close, to drive life into a corner, and reduce it to its lowest terms, and, if it proved to be mean, why then to get the whole and genuine meanness of it, and publish its meanness to the world; or if it were sublime, to know it by experience, and be able to give a true account of it in my next excursion."

I too want to "suck all the marrow of life". Which reminds me of my dog. She was so intent on getting the marrow out of the bone I gave her that she kept getting it stuck on her back molars. She would then walk around the house slobbering and trying various ways to dislodge the bone until she would come in front of me and lay down with a sigh. I then pried the bone off her jaw and she happily started chewing on it again and before long it was stuck. I'm not sure how long she would have continued with this if I hadn't thrown the bone in the trash but I'm sure as long as I kept prying it off her teeth, she would again attempt to suck the marrow out.

Last Monday I was on a Memorial day climb with my family up Larison Rock just outside of Oakridge, OR. I started to get winded about 3/4 of the way up the hill but didn't want to wimp out so I just kept pushing on. I got to the top of the hill and then climbed onto the rock. I snapped a few pictures and sat down to catch my breath. I heard my nephew say, "Are you alright Aunt Jo?" I shook my head no and layed down on the rock. The next thing I remember, my sister was saying, "Go get some water! Roll her on her side so, if she throws up, she won't choke." I was wedged on the edge of the rock between my sister and her boyfriend. As I slowly came to, I realized I hadn't had anything to drink except coffee that morning, and we didn't bring any water with us. How could I, such a sensible, responsable mom, make such a mistake?

I was so lucky and glad to have my family there. My nephew ran all the way down the hill and back up to bring water. I am so proud of him!

So, water... with lemon.

And walking, daily walking with my dog. Need to get back into shape.

Also, this place could use some shaping up. Hmmm, where to start? Maybe the living room. The computer desk.

And, while I'm at the computer - look at my bills and make sure to transfer funds for saving.

This is a good start. A simple start.